What Nana Never Knew
© Gail Mitchell
My Nana never Googled
Or microwaved Pot Noodle
The NET she used went over her hair ‘do’
Her SKY was up on high
And she’d never multi-buy
As for BOGOF? She would never have a clue!
She mashed her own potatoes
Didn’t eat sun dried tomatoes
Wouldn’t dream of buying ready peeled sprouts
She used her PIN to stick things in
Had no recycling bin
And would cringe in shame at Britain’s lager louts
Never Alt - control - deleted
Didn’t have her water metered
Or pressed # then 2 to pay by credit card
GM didn’t make her panic
She never bought organic
Just fried everything in half congealed lard.
Her phone stayed in one place
To live in sin was a disgrace
Gay and Ecstasy meant happy and carefree
Never had a credit rating
Or signed up to call waiting
She played dominoes but never on the Wii!
She didn’t have a page on twitter
Or go spinning to get fitter
Anti-virus meant a dose of castor oil.
The only spam got by our Nan
Came from grocers in a can
(Who didn’t give club cards to keep her loyal)
Oh she’d have a word to say
If she could see today
Our hoodies, blogs, and those computer hackers
Would she smile at us and LOL
Or reach for the Panadol
And conclude we’re all completely googlewhack(ers)?
© Gail Mitchell
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