What Nana Never Knew

© Gail Mitchell 


My Nana never Googled

Or microwaved Pot Noodle

The NET she used went over her hair ‘do’

Her SKY was up on high

And she’d never multi-buy

As for BOGOF? She would never have a clue!


She mashed her own potatoes

Didn’t eat sun dried tomatoes

Wouldn’t dream of buying ready peeled sprouts

She used her PIN to stick things in

Had no recycling bin

And would cringe in shame at Britain’s lager louts


Never Alt - control - deleted

Didn’t have her water metered

Or pressed # then 2 to pay by credit card

GM didn’t make her panic 

She never bought organic

Just fried everything in half congealed lard.


Her phone stayed in one place

To live in sin was a disgrace

Gay and Ecstasy meant happy and carefree

Never had a credit rating

Or signed up to call waiting

She played dominoes but never on the Wii!


She didn’t have a page on twitter

Or go spinning to get fitter

Anti-virus meant a dose of castor oil.

The only spam got by our Nan

Came from grocers in a can

(Who didn’t give club cards to keep her loyal)


Oh she’d have a word to say

If she could see today

Our hoodies, blogs, and those computer hackers

Would she smile at us and LOL

Or reach for the Panadol

And conclude we’re all completely googlewhack(ers)?


© Gail Mitchell