My Toddling Day

Every morning starts the same way

Up with the birds I’m ready to play

“Mu – mmy” I yell, “Mu – mmy” I say

Til Mum comes half asleep to my cot

I say “Play?” but she gives me this look that says ‘No, let’s not!’

“It’s so early” she moans, almost in tears

But I won’t tell the time for another four years.

Cornflakes for breakfast, Urgh! Don’t like those.

But they’re good for smearing all over my clothes

And for trying to suck one at a time through my nose.

Later we go down the road to see Gran

Who tells me she’s my number one fan.

I like her because she’s so much like me

Squidgy and plump and smelling of wee.

Soon Mum and Gran sit down for a chat

And ignore me! Well we’ll see about that!

So I feed plastercine to Gran’s tabby cat

That got their attention!

They fluster and panic “You must never feed pets,

Now Gran's got to take the cat to vets.”

Cool! I’ve never been to a vets before

But Mum says ‘Home Time’ and heads for the door

I scream and I cry ‘cos I don’t want to go

But do they listen? Do they ever? No!

Once home mum takes me straight up to bed

She wants me to nap, she’s got a bad head

But I’M NOT TIRED, I’d rather watch TV instead

Mum takes no notice, just gives me a kiss

And I glare and I swear that I won’t forget this.

Then I sleep for a while ‘til mum wakes me for tea

Oh, mum you know I HATE broccoli.

So I spit it all out, just for a giggle.

“Bath Time” says mum, and I squirm and I wriggle

I clean and I scrub and I wash and I rub

But I’m scared of the monsters that are under the tub,

They gurgle and roar as the water’s let out

“Help me! Quick!” I stamp and I shout

Just in time I get rescued but mums not impressed

I shiver in fear as I cling to her chest.

I’m dried with warm milk, snug in my pyjamas

Mum and me pray that nothing will harm us

And we’ll sleep safe and sound, chasing bad dreams away

Because tomorrow’s another toddling day.